Ah, 2016. The year I decided to dip my toes into the wild, unpredictable waters of investing. Spoiler alert: I didn’t just dip my toes—I cannonballed in, did a backflip, and somehow managed to belly flop on the way out. Let me take you on a journey through my financial misadventures, where I sold my only Bitcoin for $8,000, lost $500 on Forex, and then made a whopping $100 on TSMC. Buckle up, because this ride is equal parts hilarious and humiliating.
It all started with Bitcoin. Back in 2016, I was the proud owner of one whole Bitcoin. Well, I wasn’t the actual owner; it was more of a collaboration with an actual engineer with access to heavy computing power. Anyhow, I felt like a tech-savvy wizard, a modern-day alchemist turning digital code into gold. But then, like any rational person who has no idea what they’re doing, I panicked. The price of Bitcoin was fluctuating like a caffeinated squirrel, and I thought, “What if it crashes? What if I lose it all? What if my digital wallet gets hacked by a guy named Chad who lives in his mom’s basement?” So, I did the unthinkable: I sold my Bitcoin for $8,000. At the time, I thought I was a genius, and more importantly, it took a big chunk off my college debt. Fast forward to today, and that single Bitcoin is worth… well, let’s just say I could’ve bought a small island with it. But hey, hindsight is 2020, and my 2016 self was clearly blindfolded.
Three years later, and with a hole in my pocket, I decided to diversify my portfolio. Translation: I downloaded the Etoro app and immediately lost $500 in the Forex market. For those unfamiliar, Forex is like gambling, but with less glamour and more spreadsheets. I thought I was a financial prodigy because I understood terms like “leverage” and “currency pairs.” Spoiler: I did not. But my now licensed broker friend thought he did. My first trade was on the EUR/USD pair, which I confidently bet would go up. It did not. In fact, it went down faster than my enthusiasm for adulting. I watched in horror as my $500 evaporated into the digital void, leaving me with nothing but a profound sense of regret and a newfound hatred for the Euro.
But I wasn’t ready to give up just yet. After all, I still had $600 left (minus the $100 I spent on therapy to recover from my Forex trauma). I decided to try my luck with stocks, because why not? I mean, how hard could it be? I scrolled through Etoro’s list of companies, looking for something that sounded both impressive and vaguely familiar. That’s when I stumbled upon TSMC—Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Company. I didn’t know much about semiconductors, but I did know that they sounded important. Plus, Taiwan makes great bubble tea, so I figured their stocks had to be good, right?
I invested $500 in TSMC and waited. And waited. And waited some more. For weeks, nothing happened. I started to think I had accidentally invested in a company that made actual semicolons for punctuation enthusiasts. But then, one glorious day, I checked my portfolio and saw that my investment had grown by $100. ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS. I felt like Warren Buffett. I strutted around my apartment, pretending to be a Wall Street tycoon, shouting things like “Buy the dip!” and “To the moon!” My cat looked at me like I was insane, but I didn’t care. I was a stock market genius. Looking back, my financial journey is less “Wolf of Wall Street” and more “Puppy of Penny Stocks.” I sold my Bitcoin for $8,000, lost $500 on Forex, and made $100 on TSMC. If you’re doing the math, that’s a net loss of $400 and a lifetime supply of regret. But hey, at least I learned some valuable lessons: 1) Don’t panic-sell your Bitcoin, 2) Forex is a trap, and 3) Always trust a company that shares its name with a delicious beverage.
So, here’s to all the amateur investors out there, making questionable decisions and laughing through the pain. May your portfolios grow, your losses be small, and your TSMC stocks bubble like a cup of boba tea. Cheers!
